the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
