This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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