i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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