I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
