he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
