a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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