I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
P.S. I can't hear my feet
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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