Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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