fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
