Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
