theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
