I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
