and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
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