There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
