flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
