I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
