Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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