I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
