I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
