So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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