I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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