he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
