A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
