in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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