I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
