Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
pop tarts are not kleenex
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
