Don't make out with my wife yet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
