Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
