high people should be assigned attendants
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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