I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
