My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
