Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
