whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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