My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
