You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
