did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
