I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
