To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
