The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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