So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
