Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
