90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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