She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
