Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
