don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
