did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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