Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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