Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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