I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
