your parents love me but you hate me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
