I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize