Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am available for nakedness
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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