I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
