is your mom at the bar?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
