Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
