last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
