You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
