With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
