how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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