Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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