I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
