A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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