My nipple is on Facebook.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my liver is dry heaving
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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