i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
