I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
