the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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