You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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