Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
