i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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