if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
