omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
