Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize