I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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